I remember 3 years ago, I lost the passion/determination/inspiration in law school. After being proud na wala akong naibabagsak in my 2 years in law school, nagha-highest minsan sa exams, exception sa mass murder of grades, then came na I flunked subjects most of which are major subjects pa. Being a full-time student, I have a target for myself, my parents most especially, to graduate on time – meaning 4 years lang dapat sa law school. But because of that, I can’t anymore and I found myself regretting na bakit ba nangyari iyon… bakit ko hinayaang mangyari iyon?
I enrolled the next semester hopeful that things will change. Maybe this time, I’ll be inspired, maybe I’ll meet someone and be inspired haha, or maybe I don’t know bigla nalang ako magbabago. But first day of classes palang, I just felt sick to my stomach. I was in the canteen of our school and everything seems gloomy to me. Feels like magga-gabi na when it’s just early afternoon nun. I just felt sad, parang dun palang nagsink-in na ‘this is it, this is me being a loser.’ Right then and there, I made a mistake again of quitting law school and decided to rest for another semester. (Daming time eh haha!)
Since I was already enrolled that time and didn’t bother to fix my papers para magofficially leave sa school, that got me into trouble when I came back. Sa madali’t sabi, I have no choice but to transfer to another school. Did I like it? No, to be honest. I always wanted na makabit yung name ng previous school ko sa akin. I am a *toot* law student. I take pride in it. It wasn’t easy. I had doubts. “What if hindi ako pumasa sa bar dahil dito?”, “What if hindi naman maganda yung nilipatan ko?” and finally “What if walang pogi dun?” (syempre joke lang!)
Kidding aside, I lifted it all up to God. I said, I know I’ve made a mistake and I can’t do anything to change it. It’s already irreversible. But I believe everything works for the good, and only God can turn disasters into good things. I humbled myself and started fresh in this new school where I am at now. There are a lot of good people here, professors including, and I’ve made many friends. Do I compare the two schools? Before yes, but now I’ve learned that just like people and things in life, they have their own pros and cons. I’ve learned that kahit saan ka man din mapunta, there will always be a flaw. Wala namang perfect ika nga. Rather than to waste time criticizing, I’ve spent that energy to help in little ways kung paano pwede makatulong sa school and sa community of students. I’ve built myself up again, my confidence/esteem. I’ve changed habits, and set priorities.
I’d honestly say, it was here in my new school na nainlove akong tunay sa pag-aaral ng batas. It was here that I discovered who I really want to be as a lawyer, what area/field of law I want to engage/practice and etc. I’m not saying na dahil lumipat ako sa new school ko, kaya lang nangyari iyon. I’m just thankful that finally I’ve discovered where I want to be in the vast field of lawyering. I guess I’m just sharing this because someone might relate to this at this time and I hope I can help through this.
That were it not for my failures, I wouldn’t have known that I’d really fight for my place in law school. Hindi ko maisip na ganito na ang resolve ko para makatapos, and now my target for myself is something na hindi na out of pressure, but the desire na maipractice na ang aking mga natutunan. I have my eyes – not on the overall reputation of the school, nor the review schools, nor the bar passing rate, but only on the four-lettered title, ATTY. I’ve discovered the meaning of GRIT, and how I wanted it to define my journey in law school and in passing the bar.
Currently, I am finishing the last semester of my third year in law school. It’s one more year to go but I know God is with me and He will see me through. There is still room for failures and learning, but I ought to say strong, determined and focused. Keep on, fight on! 🙂